Tie & Bowtie

Found this AMAZING fabric in a bag of scraps given to me by my sister in law Amber.

I mean gorgeous right?? I love me some paisleys! and teal.. and brown.. and pink.. Makes me swoon! :)

So decided to make THIS tie and THIS bowtie.  Spent about 3 hours total to finish it, while trying to deal with the crazies!

And here is how they came out:

those {blues} are going to break some hearts

like how I use my sewing machine to show off the tie?

I've been in a sewing/crafty mood. I have some scraps of this scrap and I'm going to make me a flower and hopefully attach it to a headband of some sort. We will see.

feelings.

There are so many feelings and thoughts racing through my head. Where to start?

On Mother's Day, I got this overwhelming feeling that I need to be a stay at home mother. I have never really gotten a feeling like that. {Except the feeling that our family isn't complete.} I am also not as spiritual as I should be. I couldn't believe the feeling. At first I thought it was just a thought and a hope that I've always had and wanted. But I just bawled, right there in the middle of struggling with my boys during the Sacrament talks.  Even now as I write about it, I am tearing up.  I know its what I need to do. It is just hard to have faith knowing how much debt we have. So I am trying to come up with a plan to get out of as much debt as possible in the next few months because I know I should be done working by the end of the year, if not before that. Faith is a tricky thing. I wish I could just have faith that we'd be fine.  But its hard.  And even thought I've worked maybe 10 or 12 days in the last month and we've been okay.. but where would that extra 200 dollars a paycheck come from?  We'd actually need at least 400-500 a paycheck to truly make it.

I love to blog hop. I happened upon this blog- Angels for Atticus.  This little boy has cancer. And his brave mom and dad write about what's going on. I don't know if I could do this. It must be theraputic. In reading this, I've gained more appreciation for my sons' health. Not to make light of what they are going through. I'm not sure if I could go through a trial this big.  I've always known that everyone has trials in their life.  People will have a really big trial. I always wonder what my big trial will be. I just pray that when there is a big trial that I will turn to the Lord and my Heavenly Father.  That is what this dear family has done.  They have put their trust in the Lord and know that Him and Heavenly Father have a plan for Atticus.  I know They have a plan for all of us. I pray for this family that they will continually turn to Jesus and Heavenly Father and that they will find comfort and peace in this time of need. I know that They are the only ones that can do that for them.

Plans. Timing. I know Heavenly father And Jesus have a plan for me.  They also have Their timing. We have been trying to get pregnant for a while. I would date it back 10 months or so. Actually now thinking about it, I think its closer to 5 or 6 months. Either way, I know it takes a while especially after birth control.  It takes a while for your body to get back on track with ovulating and all that.  If I can be a little too informative.. I haven't had a normal period in a while.  I haven't had anything for at least 2 months. So when nothing comes lately, I get all excited and think I'm preggers. But I'm not. I have read that this happens.  But its taking longer than expected. Longer than I want it to.  But I have to believe the feeling I get almost every day, that our family isn't completed. We have another little spirit just waiting patiently to come join us down here. I just need to be patient and wait for the Lord's timing and trust in that.

New obsession

I decided to finally try my hand at fabric rosettes. And after the first 3 turned out actually pretty cute, I couldn't stop! Then I remembered I had elastic and decided to make headbands for my sister in Law Lyndsi's baby Mercedes and one for my niece's baby Zoey (the red one).

I have a lot left over.. (As seen in one picture..) and I need more elastic or clothes for them. Or I need a baby girl...... Haha

Feeling silly

So at parenting class this week was on expressive language. They gave us hand outs and examples on what we can do as parents to help get our kids to start being vocal. A lot of it is learning by hearing. Self talk is a main one. Where I would talk about what I am doing in short phrases. Like: Mommy brush hair. Clean dish. Mommy spin spin spin. Its taking out the unneeded words which are just make it harder for kids to understand. While its good for them to hear words and I am leading by example, I feel down right silly. There's no one around just me and the boys but I feel ridiculous! I hate feeling this way cause I want to help Creighton talk! I just feel silly. Something to get over I guess.

I am really glad I get to go to these classes and see other kids (and moms) going through the same struggles. Some have more struggles. Some less. But knowing I am not alone helps with my emotions.

My thing with speech is Creighton doesn't even seem to want to talk. And he is only vocal when he's frustrated or someone's taking a toy from him or for his ba-ba (bottle and/or blanket).

Even with knowing I am not alone it gets lonely and hard. Its a struggle having an almost 2 year old not talking. It is frustrating! And I wish people didn't judge him or me for him not talking back when they ask questions to him.

Easter

I love Easter for many reasons.

I love my knowledge of Jesus Christ's sacrifice and his resurrection so that I can live again after I die.

I love the Easter songs. I'm hoping our ward choir is singing tomorrow!

I love the Easter festivities at my in laws. The egg hunt is awesome! Taking turns as a family. Last year a new tradition started. Each of the 8 kids got a share of the eggs. And we can put anything we want in them. We got 15 eggs this year. Ten of them are filled with papers with stickers on them and those stickers match the stickers on wrapped up prizes.
Some of them are Easter bunny ears that have a crown on it, a huge ball, peeps, chocolate bunnies and a bubble gun! So fun. I'm excited for my boys! And I like how far it is. Everyone will get the same amount of eggs! We just hope to find the good ones!

I don't like doing the Easter bunny. I loved it as a kid. And Adam loved his (they went on a hunt for their baskets). But this year I haven't been on the ball about lots of things. I should have explained to Cayden what Easter really means like how Christmas isn't about Santa. Maybe next year I'll be better at it. And I'll be the fun mom. Maybe :)

Deer!!!!

My obsession with deer probably dates back to my one semester at Snow. My new friend, Laralee, and I went driving one night and chased down some deer in neighborhoods. We also killed some poor rabbits on accident! Later I was on my way back to my dorm after going to SLC and had to stop for a big herd to cross the small highway.

When driving on freeways I'd look for dead ones. I know, sick! There's even been a dead one on a road near our house. We don't live THAT close to mountains but we do live near a railroad and I think they follow that down.

Last night was the second time I has seen a herd late at night on my way home. The first time I followed them into a neighborhood and they were eating people's grass! I got all giddy and a bit jealous they weren't in MY yard! Haha. Couldn't get close enough that time to get a picture. But last night they were just there on the side of the road under a street light! Perfect lighting for 2 am! I can't describe my giddyness over deer. It's a bit insane but they're so cool! Maybe its growing up in Missouri and Vegas?

I absolutely love Utah for many reasons but the DEER are pretty high up on the list!

Bunch of things.

one.
Creighton had his first session with his speech therapist this morning. It was completely different than Cayden's were. But we're in different school districts since we bought our house. But this therapist, Katie, is great. She's very knowledgeable and full of ideas. From what I described from a typical day, she was able to pinpoint Creighton exactly. He loves to wrestle and be hugged. Katie says some kids crave the compressions on their bodies. Like squeezing. And I learned that Creighton uses a lot of cues I missed that he likes certain games or squeezes.

All this info came on handy not even 20 minutes later. Creighton got super cranky. All my usual helps weren't helping. He's gotten this way before and I'd just give him a bottle. This time I laid him on his back and started at his shoulders, giving somewhat hard squeezes and worked my way down. By the time I got to his ankles he was putting his feet in my hands to keep going. I continued to do this. Amazingly my busy body baby just laid there and got more and more relaxed. It was remarkable to see the change.

two.
Cayden is an attention hog when Creighton is getting it all. But I love him. He is so smart. And he just played me the first part of Twinkle Twinkle little Star on the xylophone! Crazy. I didn't teach him either. Maybe Adam played it for him. But he's a genius! He even tells me so! ;)

three.
I am 25. Weird. It sounds so old. I still feel 18 or 19 most days. But I've been married almost 5 1/2 years. I have a 4 yr old and an almost 2 yr old. Crazy!! And I'm a homeowner!! I'm shocked at my life sometimes! I'm so very happy with my life. There's tons of stress and things that go wrong but I love it. No matter what I have my family!! :)

four.
Adam is my rock star!! :) he made my birthday amazing. He has made our life together amazing!! I'm so lucky. He has made me feel pretty and worth it. He has made me confident. He is a great father!