Part one of Creighton's Evaluation- Check!

Today was part one of Creighton's evaluation for his speech delay. 

He definitely qualifies.  He had to be below 7% in at least ONE of the areas he was tested and evaluated in. He was evaluated in 8 different areas. Only in one area (self help) he was above 9%, he's in the 25%. He LOVES to help get dressed and he feeds himself very well.  Two areas were 9% which is only a slight delay.  Seeing the numbers, I know it correlates with what I notice everyday.  But still.

I can't help but feel horrible. I know that the ladies told me that yes it can be a family trait and passed down. But still. I can't stop the feelings of failure. This is my 2nd child to have to have speech therapy. Clearly, I am not a good mother in that aspect. I give them love and food but knowledge? nothing apparently. 

Not saying this as a wo is me or pity me. I really feel like a failure. 

But all I can do is start fresh.  Every day is a new day to start again. So here's to new days and change. I'm done feeling like a failure in every aspect of my life. Everyday is a chance for me to be the me I want to be. Starting now. 

a new year..

I want to be a new me.

it all starts with my foot surgery. this fibroma-thingy is really hurting me. my whole foot is just throbbing. and when I've tried to go for a walk- it just kills. which doesn't help with my goal to be more active and lose weight.

I've decided to let the past be the past. Let all the toxicity that's been in my life just fall away. I don't need it. I deserve to be happy and not let anyone or anything get in the way of that.

I know I've already made my list. Just one of those days I need to write about how I'm feeling, well to an extent.

I've been thinking about our future lately. About how I'm going to deal with my boys as teens or even as each day passes. Thank goodness I know I have the help of my family and my Heavenly Father. I couldn't do anything without their help.

Crap. Another random, boring post. Oh well.

my little momma's boy

Creighton has really turned into a momma's boy and I couldn't be happier! haha Cayden wasn't very lovey with me. but Creighton - LOVES me! He loves cuddling. He loves hugging me. If he had to choose between me and daddy- its always me! And not only when he's crying.

now don't get me wrong. he's still a little demon. HA! 

he does this thing where he'll do something that he knows we don't like him doing and just as he'll do this something- he'll look at us with this smile!  And about 98% of the time, it is so adorable I can't help but laugh.

speaking of laughing, he does things JUST to make me laugh.  And he knows he can, very easily. :) 

he's not speaking yet. but he has learn to sign "more".  And he signs it for everything. "more"toys. "more" hugs. "more" movie. and of course "more" food. I love it! I love that it literally took him 10 minutes to catch on when we taught him.  He is SUCH a smart boy and I know that when we start his speech therapy (getting his evaluation next week) he'll catch on very quick. :) 

he's a climber. one day we walked in the kitchen and he was standing on our table. he tries to climb everything. so fun....... 

now here are some pictures of my gorgeous 2nd child. 

our grocery store gives stickers to kids in the check out lanes
Creighton was intrigued

he does this thing where he'll put his hand on his head like "oh boy..."

watching movies with daddy

on Christmas morning- with his typical closed eyes "cheese"

Creighton being his demon self. climbing everything.

determination is the key

Physical:

Whats wrong- too over weight and just not happy with the outer appearance.

What I am going to do- (after my foot surgery) join the REC center gym and commit to go. put up a picture of my current self to motivate myself. 

Financial:

Whats wrong- Not much. I accomplished the goal of getting into a house. Now. I don't want to work by the end of the year.

What I am going to do- Make a plan. Pay down debt with every paycheck. Learn to not go out to eat as much. Learn to not spend so much. And maybe learn how to do coupons. 

Spiritual:

Whats wrong- Not enough scripture study or personal conversations with my Heavenly Father.  

What I am going to do- Just do it. I like that saying Nike came up with. Because really- you JUST DO IT with no exceptions.  I know if I do those things diligently I will be a better person in all aspects.

Family life:

Whats wrong- nothing. just want a closer family.

What I am going to do- Make FHE a priority. Be happy and let things flow. 

Motherhood:

Whats wrong- I don't think I'm a good mother. (Others would disagree- i.e. Adam) I know I could do better.

What I am going to do- back to the Nike logo- Just Do It. Just get off the couch and play. Just get dressed for the day and go to the park.  Just print off the ideas from Pinterest and do them! 

Personal:

Whats wrong- not being totally happy with who I am. Forgiving myself.

What I am going to do- Lots of soul searching. Kind of goes with my Spiritual goal. Prayer and lots of it. I know if I can feel my Heavenly Father's love and His forgiveness for my shortcomings then I can forgive myself and be happy with me. 

Boys:

Whats wrong- not much. this goes with motherhood.

What I am going to do- much more.

Creighton- I would like to help Creighton with his speaking and do more than I did with Cayden when he went through speech therapy.  So his therapy will go faster than Cayden's. 

Cayden- Help him with his writing, his letters, his word recognition. He won't be going to Kindergarten for another 1.5 years! I wish this next Fall but he doesn't turn 5 until After the September 1st (the cut off). So He'll be a really old Kindergartener. 

These are the things I am determined to make happen this year. 

Every month, I will be updating how I am going on things that can be updated. :)

I hope to succeed for me and for my family.

finally fed up!

I'm fed up:

-with being so fat that walking through the aisle at work give me a panic attack cause 80% of the time I bump into the back of people's chair.

- with being so fat that I feel so unpretty.

- with being so fat that I feel unhealthy and am constantly worrying that I'm going to die of being fat.

- with being so fat that I'm so lazy I find it hard to play with my boys for long.

- with being so fat that I know people look at me in disgust.

- with being so fat that I have to shop in the bigger girl section.

- with being so fat that my jeans cost almost double the size of "normal" size pants

- with being so fat that all I think about is food and yummy fattening food.

- with being so fat that I'm not happy with myself and I disgust myself.


So... what am I going to do about it? I'm getting a gym membership at the REC center or at Gold's gym.  Depends on prices and how the child care at the REC center is only open from 9 to 10:30 am and 5:30 to 8 pm. and I think Gold's child care is all the time. but I can do 9 am if its cheaper. :)

2012 is the year that I will no longer be the size I am. I want to be happy with my body and this is the year that I am just so sick of this feeling that I NEED to do something about it- finally!

I'm going to be creating a blog that'll most likely be private for a while. And do monthly pictures and weekly weigh ins (with only the weight loss recorded on the blog) until I'm to a weight that I feel comfortable to post :) I'm doing it! There's no if ands and (hopefully no more BIG) but(t)s! haha ;)

how to address an envelope

Okay..... let's just do an update on every one's knowledge of how to address an ENVELOPE!

Man alive. now I'm not doing this on behalf of any place (ie USPS). Its just my own thing to help all those misfortunate people who have NO clue how to address a simple envelope!

The postage stamp ALWAYS goes on the upper right corner.

The return address (YOUR address) goes in the upper LEFT corner. NOT the back of the envelope (it makes my life easier) hahaha.

Now... the MOST important part of the envelope. where it is going. To make it easier and go faster, actual names are best. Even if it just the last name. Like Grandma Benson... That's fine because most of the time if we need to verify an address with a name, the last name (or family name) is all we need.

Zip codes are way important to. That helps create that little bar code that gets sprayed on at the bottom of the envelope. The correct zip will get it to the correct plant then on to the correct mailperson.

writing legibly is also a HUGE plus. I cant tell you how many "images" or letters get rejected due to bad handwriting. Don't worry. The people at the plant usually read it again after we reject it to see if they can read it. which is usually the case since after getting scanned somethings don't show up very well.

which brings me to - writing utensils. BALL POINT PENS AND SHARPIES.  those are the best. when writing in marker - makes the letters look see through when scanned (especially on packages)

hope this helps :)

ramblings of a tired momma

where do I start with the thoughts that are all bouncing around in my head?

I'm almost done with my crazy 8 hr a night work schedule. Next week (I'm hoping) will be a breeze. Monday and Tuesday are the last nights I will be working til 4 am. But Adam has Tuesday and Wednesday off so I won't have to try to be a good momma on 3 hrs of sleep. And then Wed-Fri I get to work earlier like 3:30 pm!!! and get off by midnight (if no overtime is called).  But even if OT is called to 10 hrs I'd only work til 2 am. SO much better. I'm happy that the end is in sight.

we got ourselves a very early and somewhat pricey Christmas present. There's a furniture store that was going out of business so we decided to go have a look.  And we walked away with a KING size bed. An off brand of the Temper-pedic-like beds.  And I've had such amazingly great sleeps!! (did that make sense?) haha It was at a very good discounted price and I wouldn't have said yes if it wasn't good. It was worth it. so comfy.

Back to the work thing - I can't believe I've worked 2 weeks at 8 hrs a night! I'm amazed I'm a live and my kids and husband still love me! haha I was NOT the happiest or nicest at some moments. :) 

I'm so excited for Christmas!!! I actually get the days off! and (no offense to my amazing family who I love and miss dearly) we don't have to travel. which is nice for the nerves :) This is our first Christmas in our new house :) Which by itself  is amazing! :) and so much fun- the decorating of the house was an added bonus. 

Speaking of Christmas - Cayden is SO excited for it! We saw an older man in the Lowe's parking lot yesterday and he was like "Mom! Its Santa!!" haha.. So funny! and cute. He hasn't gotten the idea of the whole "if you're naughty Santa doesn't bring presents". 

Creighton could care less. Maybe next year. 

I thought having a real tree and ornaments would be a bad idea with Creighton.. but nope its the stupid cats. who I'm getting rid of. I've had enough of them. I thought I could be a cat lover. But I can't stand their hair.. their peeing in corners!!!! Ugh! This is why I hate animals. Can't be trusted. And they've ruined our tree and ornaments! Just so sick of this!! 

Blah blah blah... I always have many ideas of blogs run through my mind when I'm at work with nothing to do but type type type. ;) But right now.. nothing.. 

Over all, I'm very happy works crazy schedule is almost over. And right after that, it is Christmastime :)